You wanted everything, to hold it all: the precise
measure of tears filling each eye, to ingest
parts of a concerto into the body; you want
a locked box for the scraps of paper, that recipe
of ideas; a treasure chest to quarantine your heart -
but already it's the time of dahlias, the ending
of the time of sunflowers; almost the reign
of goannas, when the birds call unmistakable
warnings to one another. You need to zoom in
so closely a sprig of lavender becomes myriad
tiny blooms bursting in spirals; you had to lick
the knife blade. Waking cut like a sword,
clambering from the dream of a soldier leaving -
she was pressing her cheek against the cotton chest
of a tall man, faceless, inhaling serenity and amaranth;
the lull, the surrender into a dark smudge of sleep:
and now a honey flesh shines through cracked bark.
The ardent harbour exploding with infinite stars:
you tried to hold it all, like the knife between
your teeth, it's a trapdoor into the night now:
under the clipped fingernail of a moon, you find
yourself staring straight into the eyes of an owl.
-Ardent, Jane Gibian
It's one month minus a day till my birthday, just before we head into those thick days of summer where the flowers are all rotting with the heat, skin is peeling and we've all but had enough of the pools and tank-tops, grass sticking to sweaty bodies, and all those things that go with summer-- even the dark night (speaking of which: I've had dreams about going to see The Dark Knight two nights in a row. My excitement overcomes my dreams) trips to ice cream stands are getting old. We're not there yet but it's almost here and I'm already feeling itches to throw off those dresses which are so full of summer, to slide into sweaters and tights under dresses who are clever enough to breech the seasons.
That said, I ache so much for breezes on the oceans, looking at the dunes and thinking of running through then before remembering how angry my dad would be for doing such a thing and potentially ruining their majesties. I haven't been to the beach in so long, years, and if you had told me so when I was younger I would never have believed. My family is from Long Island, and we feel such ownership and territory over things like Montauk and Fire Island and Cupsogue, that they have been invaded! We are terribly snobs, really. But, you know, like the movie or the band that becomes famous who you want to say, I liked them first!, that is how we feel about it. It is terribly snobbish and embarrassing, but what is one to do? Abandon summer and roll in fall.